Thursday, January 29, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Fish and the Turtle
Once upon a time there was a fish. And just because it was a fish, it had lived all its life in the water and knew nothing whatever about anything else but water. And one day as it swam about in the lake where all its days had been spent, it happened to meet a turtle of its acquaintance who had just come back from a little excursion on the land.
"Good day, Mr. Turtle!" said the fish. "I have not seen you for a long time. Where have you been?"
"Oh", said the turtle, "I have just been for a trip on dry land."
"On dry land!" exclaimed the fish.
"What do you mean by on dry land? There is no dry land. I had never seen such a thing. Dry land is nothing."
"Well," said the turtle good-naturedly. "If you want to think so, of course you may; there is no one who can hinder you. But that's where I've been, all the same."
"Oh, come," said the fish. "Try to talk sense. Just tell me now what is this land of yours like? Is it all wet?"
"No, it is not wet," said the turtle. "Is it nice and fresh and cool?" asked the fish.
"No, it is not nice and fresh and cool," the trutle replied.
"Is it clear so that light can come through it?"
"No, it is not clear. Light cannot come through it."
"Is it soft and yielding, so that I can move my fins about in it and push my nose through it?"
"No, it is not soft and yielding. You could not swim in it."
"Does it move or flow in streams?"
"No, it neither moves nor flows in streams."
"Does it ever rise up into waves then, with white foams in them?" asked the fish, impatient at this string of Noes.
"No!" replied the turtle, truthfully. "It never rises up into waves that I have seen."
"There now," exclaimed the fish triumphantly. "Didn't I tell you that this land of yours was just nothing? I have just asked, and you have answered me that it is neither wet nor cool, not clear nor soft and that it does not flow in streams nor rise up into waves. And if it isn't a single one of these things what else is it but nothing? Don't tell me."
"Well, well", said the turtle, "If you are determined to think that dry land is nothing, I suppose you must just go on thinking so. But any one who knows what is water and what is land would say you were just a silly fish, for you think that anything you have never known is nothing just because you have never known it."
And with that the turtle turned away and, leaving the fish behind in its little pond of water, set out on another excursion over the dry land that was nothing.
*******
"Good day, Mr. Turtle!" said the fish. "I have not seen you for a long time. Where have you been?"
"Oh", said the turtle, "I have just been for a trip on dry land."
"On dry land!" exclaimed the fish.
"What do you mean by on dry land? There is no dry land. I had never seen such a thing. Dry land is nothing."
"Well," said the turtle good-naturedly. "If you want to think so, of course you may; there is no one who can hinder you. But that's where I've been, all the same."
"Oh, come," said the fish. "Try to talk sense. Just tell me now what is this land of yours like? Is it all wet?"
"No, it is not wet," said the turtle. "Is it nice and fresh and cool?" asked the fish.
"No, it is not nice and fresh and cool," the trutle replied.
"Is it clear so that light can come through it?"
"No, it is not clear. Light cannot come through it."
"Is it soft and yielding, so that I can move my fins about in it and push my nose through it?"
"No, it is not soft and yielding. You could not swim in it."
"Does it move or flow in streams?"
"No, it neither moves nor flows in streams."
"Does it ever rise up into waves then, with white foams in them?" asked the fish, impatient at this string of Noes.
"No!" replied the turtle, truthfully. "It never rises up into waves that I have seen."
"There now," exclaimed the fish triumphantly. "Didn't I tell you that this land of yours was just nothing? I have just asked, and you have answered me that it is neither wet nor cool, not clear nor soft and that it does not flow in streams nor rise up into waves. And if it isn't a single one of these things what else is it but nothing? Don't tell me."
"Well, well", said the turtle, "If you are determined to think that dry land is nothing, I suppose you must just go on thinking so. But any one who knows what is water and what is land would say you were just a silly fish, for you think that anything you have never known is nothing just because you have never known it."
And with that the turtle turned away and, leaving the fish behind in its little pond of water, set out on another excursion over the dry land that was nothing.
*******
God's IVRS - "Inter-active Voice Response System"
Over the past several years, we have all learned to live with IVRS - "Inter-active Voice Response System" as a necessary part of modern life. I was just wondering what would happen if God decides to go hi-tech and installs voicemail? I gave it a lot of thought and came up with various scenarios:
Let us imagine a scenario. You dialed God's number.
"Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:
If you are Christian, dial 1
All Hindus, dial 2
All Muslims, dial 3
All others, dial 0."
So, lets say you are a Hindu and you dialed 2. Here is what you hear:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thank you messages for God
Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises
Press 4 for All other inquiries.
If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naradmuni."
Or, if all Gods were busy, you might hear this:
"We are sorry, all Gods are busy helping other Bhaktas and Sinners. However, your prayer is important to us and your prayer will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on line. One of the Gods will be with you soon."
Or, it could even go this way when you start praying:
"If you know your God's extension, dial it now...."
Or, you might hear this:
"If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.
For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
For Lord Krishna, Press 3.
To confess your sins, press 4.
To ask for favors, Press 5."
Or, you might even hear this:
"You have reached Lord Krishna's extension.. I am going to be away to conduct a special yuddha to save the humanity and will be away until the year 2012. If this is something urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankara at GB +44 779000020000 Call. If you want to speak to someone else, for other gods' directory, Press 6 now."
Or you might even hear something like this if you call toward the end of your life cycle:
"If you think you have reservations at our Heavenly Resort, please provide your name, social security number and be ready to provide the proof of your eligibility. If you do not have the proof of eligibility, please dial 420-HELL and ask for General Manager Ravana, who will be happy to help you."
Or, depending on the purpose of your call, you might hear this:
"If you are calling to find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5, enter his or her 'mantra' number, then press the 0 key. If you get a negative response, try area code 420-HELL."
For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, you might even get a response like this:
"Our computer records show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow..."
Or you might even here this if you call on the wrong day:
"This Main Office of Heaven is closed for DIWALI holidays. If this is an emergency, you may try our Himalayan Retreat in the mean time by dialing 6000-31,000."
So, let us hope and pray that God never learns about computers And IVR systems - because if he does, we are in BIG trouble!
Let us imagine a scenario. You dialed God's number.
"Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:
If you are Christian, dial 1
All Hindus, dial 2
All Muslims, dial 3
All others, dial 0."
So, lets say you are a Hindu and you dialed 2. Here is what you hear:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thank you messages for God
Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises
Press 4 for All other inquiries.
If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naradmuni."
Or, if all Gods were busy, you might hear this:
"We are sorry, all Gods are busy helping other Bhaktas and Sinners. However, your prayer is important to us and your prayer will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on line. One of the Gods will be with you soon."
Or, it could even go this way when you start praying:
"If you know your God's extension, dial it now...."
Or, you might hear this:
"If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.
For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
For Lord Krishna, Press 3.
To confess your sins, press 4.
To ask for favors, Press 5."
Or, you might even hear this:
"You have reached Lord Krishna's extension.. I am going to be away to conduct a special yuddha to save the humanity and will be away until the year 2012. If this is something urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankara at GB +44 779000020000 Call. If you want to speak to someone else, for other gods' directory, Press 6 now."
Or you might even hear something like this if you call toward the end of your life cycle:
"If you think you have reservations at our Heavenly Resort, please provide your name, social security number and be ready to provide the proof of your eligibility. If you do not have the proof of eligibility, please dial 420-HELL and ask for General Manager Ravana, who will be happy to help you."
Or, depending on the purpose of your call, you might hear this:
"If you are calling to find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5, enter his or her 'mantra' number, then press the 0 key. If you get a negative response, try area code 420-HELL."
For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, you might even get a response like this:
"Our computer records show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow..."
Or you might even here this if you call on the wrong day:
"This Main Office of Heaven is closed for DIWALI holidays. If this is an emergency, you may try our Himalayan Retreat in the mean time by dialing 6000-31,000."
So, let us hope and pray that God never learns about computers And IVR systems - because if he does, we are in BIG trouble!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Doctor Certified
Doctor Certified
Certified that Mr. /Miss ____________ _____ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.
It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc. Which can directly lead to heart strokes.
In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.
Sd/-
Dr. Impatient
Cyber Clinic
Certified that Mr. /Miss ____________ _____ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.
It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc. Which can directly lead to heart strokes.
In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.
Sd/-
Dr. Impatient
Cyber Clinic
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Hello freshers
Gabbar sends Kaalia
and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software
he had ordered.
They reach Ramgad and start shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya".
Thakur [with anger]: Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki "Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."
Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"
Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par Powerbuilder chal raha hai."
Kaalia looks up and sees Veeru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and
Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.
Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."
Jay hits his keyboard,then says:"jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya."
AT GABBAR'S DEN...
Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."
Gabbar: Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake?
Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga?
Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi?
Iski saza milegi...barobar milegi.
[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"
Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naa-insaafi hai."
[logout - logout - logout ].
"Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"
Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar! a
and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software
he had ordered.
They reach Ramgad and start shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya".
Thakur [with anger]: Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki "Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."
Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"
Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par Powerbuilder chal raha hai."
Kaalia looks up and sees Veeru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and
Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.
Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."
Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."
Jay hits his keyboard,then says:"jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya."
AT GABBAR'S DEN...
Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."
Gabbar: Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake?
Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga?
Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi?
Iski saza milegi...barobar milegi.
[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"
Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."
Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naa-insaafi hai."
[logout - logout - logout ].
"Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"
Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar! a
Beggars of today
A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs.10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7.50
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.
"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.
"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."
E-mail ID's of cricketers
1. LAXMAN:
available@home- only.com
*********
2.GANGULY:
nowdays@no_use.com
*********
3.KUMBLE:
only@test_match.com
*********
4.SACHIN:
admitted@hospital.com
*********
5.KAIF:
good@for_nothing.com
*********
6.SEHWAG:
consistently@ out_of_form.com
*********
7.DRAVID:
stick@crease_ like_fevicol.com
*********
8.PATHAN:
takewickets@ only_with_ kenya.com
*********
9. GREG CHAPPELL
only_experiment@ noresult.com
*********
10. Munaf Patel
only_line&length@nospeed.com
*********
11.Harbhajan Singh
no_spinpitch@ nowicket.com
*********
12. Suresh Raina
why_i_am_there@ god_knows.com
available@home- only.com
*********
2.GANGULY:
nowdays@no_use.com
*********
3.KUMBLE:
only@test_match.com
*********
4.SACHIN:
admitted@hospital.com
*********
5.KAIF:
good@for_nothing.com
*********
6.SEHWAG:
consistently@ out_of_form.com
*********
7.DRAVID:
stick@crease_ like_fevicol.com
*********
8.PATHAN:
takewickets@ only_with_ kenya.com
*********
9. GREG CHAPPELL
only_experiment@ noresult.com
*********
10. Munaf Patel
only_line&length@nospeed.com
*********
11.Harbhajan Singh
no_spinpitch@ nowicket.com
*********
12. Suresh Raina
why_i_am_there@ god_knows.com
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Monk and The Baby
Once there was a monk who lived in a village. One day a young village girl became pregnant and was unmarried. She did not want to expose her boyfriend. Out of fear when her parents asked her who is responsible, she pointed her finger to that monk.
Her parents were infuriated. The next day, the whole village turned up to blame the him. "How could you?" "You dirty old man!" "You are a disgrace!" "Get out of our village, you hypocrite!" Some villagers even threaten the his life.
After listening to all the accusations, what he said was "Is that so?" and went back to meditate. Months went by; the young girl gave birth to a baby. The parents of the young girl were forced to find a father for the child.
The parents and the villagers went up to approach him saying "You are responsible for this baby; therefore you should bring up the baby!" Once again, he said "Is that so?" He took the young baby in his arms and went back.
By this time the he has lost his reputation but it did not trouble him. He took very good care for this baby and he manages to obtain milk and everything the child needed from his neighbors.
After a year, he young girl felt ashamed and guilty and wanted to see her baby. She finally told the real story to her parents. When all the villagers came to know the truth, they all felt ashamed of having wrong him.
So all of them gathered and went to the monk asking for forgiveness. Once again, after listening to them said "Is that so?" He handed the baby back to the young girl.
When you are right, one thousand angels swearing that you are wrong does not matter. But when you are wrong, ten thousand angels swearing that you are right will not make any difference.
Her parents were infuriated. The next day, the whole village turned up to blame the him. "How could you?" "You dirty old man!" "You are a disgrace!" "Get out of our village, you hypocrite!" Some villagers even threaten the his life.
After listening to all the accusations, what he said was "Is that so?" and went back to meditate. Months went by; the young girl gave birth to a baby. The parents of the young girl were forced to find a father for the child.
The parents and the villagers went up to approach him saying "You are responsible for this baby; therefore you should bring up the baby!" Once again, he said "Is that so?" He took the young baby in his arms and went back.
By this time the he has lost his reputation but it did not trouble him. He took very good care for this baby and he manages to obtain milk and everything the child needed from his neighbors.
After a year, he young girl felt ashamed and guilty and wanted to see her baby. She finally told the real story to her parents. When all the villagers came to know the truth, they all felt ashamed of having wrong him.
So all of them gathered and went to the monk asking for forgiveness. Once again, after listening to them said "Is that so?" He handed the baby back to the young girl.
When you are right, one thousand angels swearing that you are wrong does not matter. But when you are wrong, ten thousand angels swearing that you are right will not make any difference.
How to travel Safe With Girls
How to travel Safe With Girls
Seat Belt
The National Highway
Safety Council has done
extensive testing on a newly
designed seat belt. Results
show that accidents can be
reduced by as much as 45%
when the belt is properly
installed. Correct installation
is illustrated below...
Seat Belt
The National Highway
Safety Council has done
extensive testing on a newly
designed seat belt. Results
show that accidents can be
reduced by as much as 45%
when the belt is properly
installed. Correct installation
is illustrated below...
Friday, January 16, 2009
Two traveling angels
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family.
The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement.
As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied... "Things aren't always what they seem".
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.
After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.
The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.
Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
*********
Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.
The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement.
As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied... "Things aren't always what they seem".
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.
After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.
The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."
"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.
Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."
*********
Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.
Dhala din..
Dhala din..
Fir wahi shaam hogi..
Askh honge, yaadein hongi,
Zindgi...,Fir gum k pyalo k naam hongi.
Hasrato ki mehfil....
Uhi viraan hongi.
Fir wahi shaam hogi..
Askh honge, yaadein hongi,
Zindgi...,Fir gum k pyalo k naam hongi.
Hasrato ki mehfil....
Uhi viraan hongi.
Nigaho me or koi
Nigaho me or koi dosti ke kabil na raha,
Is kinare ka or koi sahil na raha.
Chand jaisa dost mila hume zamin par,
Aasma ka chand bhi ab deedar k kabil nahi raha.
Is kinare ka or koi sahil na raha.
Chand jaisa dost mila hume zamin par,
Aasma ka chand bhi ab deedar k kabil nahi raha.
Wo mere liye kuch
Wo mere liye kuch khaas hai yaaro'
Jinke laut aane ki na koi aas hai Yaaro'
Wo najro se door hai to kya huwa..
Banke dil ki dhadkn mere paas to hai yaaro'
Jinke laut aane ki na koi aas hai Yaaro'
Wo najro se door hai to kya huwa..
Banke dil ki dhadkn mere paas to hai yaaro'
Kash Ye Dil
Kash Ye Dil Shishe ka bana hota,
Chot Lagti to Beshak ye Fanah hota. .
Par Sunte Jab Wo Aawaz iske Tutne ki,
Tab Unhe b Apne Gunah ka Ehsaas hota...
Chot Lagti to Beshak ye Fanah hota. .
Par Sunte Jab Wo Aawaz iske Tutne ki,
Tab Unhe b Apne Gunah ka Ehsaas hota...
Ye pyar bhi ajib cheez
Ye pyar bhi ajib cheez hoti hai.
Maa se ho to - MAMTA.
Baap se ho to - KARTAVYA.
Bhai se ho to - DHARM.
Behn se ho to - FARZ.
Aur Biwi se ho to
.
.
Sonu
Monu
Chhotu
Pappu...
Maa se ho to - MAMTA.
Baap se ho to - KARTAVYA.
Bhai se ho to - DHARM.
Behn se ho to - FARZ.
Aur Biwi se ho to
.
.
Sonu
Monu
Chhotu
Pappu...
Bhikari: saab ek rupiya
Bhikari: saab ek rupiya de do.
Saab: tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte?
Bhikari: abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?
Saab: tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte?
Bhikari: abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?
Girl Friend ke saath
Girl Friend ke saath,
Kamre ke andhar,
Table ke upar,
Batti ke neeche,
De tacatac……….tacatac….
De tacatac……….tacatac….
Stupid I am playing table tennis
Kamre ke andhar,
Table ke upar,
Batti ke neeche,
De tacatac……….tacatac….
De tacatac……….tacatac….
Stupid I am playing table tennis
1 lerki ne molvi
1 lerki ne molvi se keha: Log mujhe chedte or ghoorte hain, aap hi bataein mai kya karu..?
Molvi ne dono bazu phailaa k kaha "Aap hamari agosh ma aajaeye"
Molvi ne dono bazu phailaa k kaha "Aap hamari agosh ma aajaeye"
Thursday, January 15, 2009
God made daylight
God made daylight n called it the SUN.
God made entertainment n called it FUN.
God made nightlight n called it the MOON.
God made U n called CARTOON.
God made entertainment n called it FUN.
God made nightlight n called it the MOON.
God made U n called CARTOON.
To a business husband traveling
To a business husband traveling to India and back,Wife started reminding him how to benefit from such trips, buy and bring things for cheap from foreign.
She said, "When you are in India buy a few Sarees for me,On your way back when you stop at Dubai,Buy lots of jewelleries for me.And when you stop at Paris buy some perfumes for me."
The annoyed husband asked, "Yes, and when I stop at Hell what do I buy for you?"
The smiling wife said, "Just bring your Videos for our watching together!"
She said, "When you are in India buy a few Sarees for me,On your way back when you stop at Dubai,Buy lots of jewelleries for me.And when you stop at Paris buy some perfumes for me."
The annoyed husband asked, "Yes, and when I stop at Hell what do I buy for you?"
The smiling wife said, "Just bring your Videos for our watching together!"
Men And Women
Men
----
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women
----------
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you
----
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women
----------
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you
Feel Out The Alphabet "D"
D se dosti,
D se dushmani,
D se dard,
D se diwangi,
D se dillagi,
Par dil se itna be dur na ho jana k
D se dekh bhi na sake
Samje d se dear
From D se Dhiraj
D se dushmani,
D se dard,
D se diwangi,
D se dillagi,
Par dil se itna be dur na ho jana k
D se dekh bhi na sake
Samje d se dear
From D se Dhiraj
Parents
An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.
The Father asked his Son, "What is this?"
The Son replied "It is a crow".
After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"
The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".
After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time,
What is this?"
At this time some expression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".
A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is this?"
This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?"
A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :-
"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".
While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.
So..
If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.From today say this aloud, "I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me.
They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today".
Say a prayer to God, "I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.
The Father asked his Son, "What is this?"
The Son replied "It is a crow".
After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?"
The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".
After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time,
What is this?"
At this time some expression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".
A little after, the Father again asked his Son t he 4th time, "What is this?"
This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?"
A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :-
"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time h e asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".
While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.
So..
If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.From today say this aloud, "I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me.
They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today".
Say a prayer to God, "I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
What happens to the Lipstick
What happens to the Lipstick used by the ladies.
5% of the Lipstick is sticked to the cutlery.
25% of the lipstick goes to Tissue Paper & Cotton Tabs at the time of removeing the Make Up.
15% of the Lipstick goes in Drain at the Time of Washing Face & Lips.
10% is Dumpped in the Garbage as Unused.
5% of the Lipstick is found in the Womens Stomach Due to Newer Flavours & Essences.
And the remaing 40% of the Lipstick I Gaurantee you that you will find it in Man's Stomach.
mile kabhi gar nazar
mile kabhi gar nazar to meri nazar padhlena
kabhi yunhi paas aake meri khabar padhlena
ehesaas hi hain mohabbat to mehsush karlo muje
mere jasbaat main chupa beshumar pyar padhlena
aapki muskaan to hain jaise koi khilta gulab
aapne gulistan me kabhi meri dagar padhlena
khush kismat main kaha itna jo tumhe pau
meri duao me naam aapna magar padhlena
bhari mehfil me bhi dekho main tanha hoon
meri gazal me hale-e-dil mera jigar padhlena
nahi muskil main itna sanam samajlo mujhe
bas ek khuli si kitab hain yeh Nihar padhlena
kabhi yunhi paas aake meri khabar padhlena
ehesaas hi hain mohabbat to mehsush karlo muje
mere jasbaat main chupa beshumar pyar padhlena
aapki muskaan to hain jaise koi khilta gulab
aapne gulistan me kabhi meri dagar padhlena
khush kismat main kaha itna jo tumhe pau
meri duao me naam aapna magar padhlena
bhari mehfil me bhi dekho main tanha hoon
meri gazal me hale-e-dil mera jigar padhlena
nahi muskil main itna sanam samajlo mujhe
bas ek khuli si kitab hain yeh Nihar padhlena
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
dosti sms
A friend is one who forgives before u say sorry,
understands when u say i forgot,
waits forever when u say 1 minute,
stays with u when u say leave me alone.
understands when u say i forgot,
waits forever when u say 1 minute,
stays with u when u say leave me alone.
A good friend is like a computer
A good friend is like a computer; me 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory!
Without humor
Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!
FriEndSHiP iS
FriEndSHiP iS A PRiCeLeSs GiFt tHaT cAn'T Be BoUgHt Or SoLd, BuT To Have An UnDeRsTaNdiNg FriEnd iS FaR MoRe WoRtH tHaN GoLd~!
FRIENDSHIP isn't
FRIENDSHIP isn't how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!!
True friends
True friends are like Diamonds... they are real and rare. False friends are like leaves... they are scattered everywhere.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Friends are
Friends are like pieces of puzzle.
If you loose one, it will never be completed again,
Just wanted to tell that u are one such piece,
and i can't afford to loose u.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Dosti
ti smssweet sms
Har khushi ko teri taraf mod du,
Tere liye chaand tare bhi tod du,
Khushiyo ke darwaaze tere liye khol du,
Ek baar tu hus le , tere saare daat tod du.
Har khushi ko teri taraf mod du,
Tere liye chaand tare bhi tod du,
Khushiyo ke darwaaze tere liye khol du,
Ek baar tu hus le , tere saare daat tod du.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Feeling love
I could never speak of the way I feel for you ,
I could never tell you if I was being true.
You made me feel needed as you always do ,
I feared that this dream wasn't true.
Tum aajma kar dekh
“ Tum aajma kar dekh lo,
Mujh jaisa dost paoge nahi,
Aaj tumhe kadr nahi meri,
Jab hum na honge,
hume bhul paoge nahi ”
Mujh jaisa dost paoge nahi,
Aaj tumhe kadr nahi meri,
Jab hum na honge,
hume bhul paoge nahi ”
jine ki nayi ada
“ jine ki nayi ada di hai
khus rehne ki usne dua di hai
Ai khuda mere dost ko sara jaha de dena
Jisne apne dil me mujhe jagah di hai ”
khus rehne ki usne dua di hai
Ai khuda mere dost ko sara jaha de dena
Jisne apne dil me mujhe jagah di hai ”
phoolon mein or
“ phoolon mein or shabnam mein hum milenge
nazre band karoge to tum ko dil me milenge
yu to dost tumhe kum na milenge
mil jayenge hum jaise magar hum na milenge
”
nazre band karoge to tum ko dil me milenge
yu to dost tumhe kum na milenge
mil jayenge hum jaise magar hum na milenge
”
Friend is not history
“ Friend is not history to forget,
Not maths to calculate,
Not a language to learn,
Its only the Chemistry that react between two Hearts.
HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY. ”
Not maths to calculate,
Not a language to learn,
Its only the Chemistry that react between two Hearts.
HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY. ”
Jin Aankhon mein
“ Jin Aankhon mein aapki Dosti Basi hai
Unhe aaj Aapke Liye baraste dekha hai
Kabhi Aapke saath Har Pal Guzarte the
aaj Khudko un palon ke Liye Taraste Dekha hai ”
Unhe aaj Aapke Liye baraste dekha hai
Kabhi Aapke saath Har Pal Guzarte the
aaj Khudko un palon ke Liye Taraste Dekha hai ”
1 sec, 1 min,
“ 1 sec, 1 min, 1 hr, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month,
1 year, No matter how long we don't see each other,
U will be in my heart forever as my Sweet Friend! ”
1 year, No matter how long we don't see each other,
U will be in my heart forever as my Sweet Friend! ”
Tum lovely ho
“
tum lovely ho- 94%
tum qute ho-95%
tum sweet ho-96%
tum beautiful ho 97%
tum stylish ho-98%
tum attractive ho- 99%
or main fekne mee expert hu-100%
”
tum lovely ho- 94%
tum qute ho-95%
tum sweet ho-96%
tum beautiful ho 97%
tum stylish ho-98%
tum attractive ho- 99%
or main fekne mee expert hu-100%
”
Dil ka dard tum
“ Dil ka dard tum samajh na sake,
Humare dil ko yaad kar na sake,
Koi aur ho to baat samjh sake,
Varna sakun dil ko dila na sake! ”
Humare dil ko yaad kar na sake,
Koi aur ho to baat samjh sake,
Varna sakun dil ko dila na sake! ”
Hum Na Mile Aapse to
“ Hum Na Mile Aapse to Fariyadey Milengi
Hum jo Mile Aapse To Yaadey Milengi
Maut Khamosh Kar Degi Zuban Ko Magar
Aapko Kadam-2Kadam Par Humari Aawazey Milengi ”
Hum jo Mile Aapse To Yaadey Milengi
Maut Khamosh Kar Degi Zuban Ko Magar
Aapko Kadam-2Kadam Par Humari Aawazey Milengi ”
Kabhi num na ho ye masoom
“ Kabhi num na ho ye masoom nigahe,
meri aarjoo hai aap sada muskuraye.
Gum ke saaye rahe hum tak hi,
aapke aashiyane mein sada bahare hi aaye. . ”
meri aarjoo hai aap sada muskuraye.
Gum ke saaye rahe hum tak hi,
aapke aashiyane mein sada bahare hi aaye. . ”
Fursat mile to yaad kijiyega
“ Fursat mile to yaad kijiyega,
hamari bhi kami ka ehsas kijiyega,
mujhe to aadat hai aapko yaad karne ki,
agar hichki aaye to maaf kijiyega.... ”
hamari bhi kami ka ehsas kijiyega,
mujhe to aadat hai aapko yaad karne ki,
agar hichki aaye to maaf kijiyega.... ”
Dil ki hasrat zubaan
“ Dil ki hasrat zubaan par aane lagi,
tumko dekha aur zindagi muskurane lagi,
yeh dosti ki inteha thi ya meri deewangi har surat me teri surat nazar aane lagi ”
tumko dekha aur zindagi muskurane lagi,
yeh dosti ki inteha thi ya meri deewangi har surat me teri surat nazar aane lagi ”
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
How To Recognize An NRI!
Top Ten Ways to Recognize an NRI
(May not apply towards NRIs returning from Gulf)
10. One who requests the autorickshaw driver to drive slowly and clutches the seat-cushion nervously.
9. One who just bought a case of Bisleri mineral water.
8. One who gets upset if the train is only six hours behind schedule.
7. One who is nervously gazing at the Green channel at the Customs clearance of airport.
6. One who prefers eating fruits to Poori at the train stations.
5. Basically, any man who is changing a baby’s diaper.
4. One who does not wait, for the coolie at the train station, and hauls his/her own 30″ suitcase.
3. One who feels embarassed to run after the railway conductor, for reservation.
2. One who says, “say cheese” when taking a picture.
1. One who has gained more FREQUENT FLYER mileage from trips to the toilet.
(May not apply towards NRIs returning from Gulf)
10. One who requests the autorickshaw driver to drive slowly and clutches the seat-cushion nervously.
9. One who just bought a case of Bisleri mineral water.
8. One who gets upset if the train is only six hours behind schedule.
7. One who is nervously gazing at the Green channel at the Customs clearance of airport.
6. One who prefers eating fruits to Poori at the train stations.
5. Basically, any man who is changing a baby’s diaper.
4. One who does not wait, for the coolie at the train station, and hauls his/her own 30″ suitcase.
3. One who feels embarassed to run after the railway conductor, for reservation.
2. One who says, “say cheese” when taking a picture.
1. One who has gained more FREQUENT FLYER mileage from trips to the toilet.
English Translation!
Haven’t you always wondered how “Americanisms” would sound like if they were translated literally to an average Indian on, say, the streets of New Delhi (or elsewhere).
1. Have a nice day! - Achaa din lo!
2. What’s up? - Uppar kya hai?
3. You’re kidding! - Tum bachaa bana rahe ho!
4. Don’t kid me! - Mera bachaa mat banaao!
5. Yo, baby! What’s up? - Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?
6. Cool man! - Thandaa aadmi!
7. Don’t mess with me, dude. - Mere saath gandagee mat karo, ek hustee.
8. Check this out, man! - Iski chaanbeen karo, aadmi!
9. She’s so fine! - Woh itnee baareek hai!
10. Listen buddy, that chick’s mine, okay! - Suno dost, woh choozaa mera hai, theek?
11. Hey good looking; what’s cooking? - Hey Sundari; kyaa pak raha hai?
12. Are you nuts? - Kya aap akhrot hain?
13. Son of a gun. - Bachcha bandook ka.
14. General Body Meeting - Saamanya Shaaririk Milan.
And the best one is…..
15. How do you do? - Kaise karte ho?
1. Have a nice day! - Achaa din lo!
2. What’s up? - Uppar kya hai?
3. You’re kidding! - Tum bachaa bana rahe ho!
4. Don’t kid me! - Mera bachaa mat banaao!
5. Yo, baby! What’s up? - Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?
6. Cool man! - Thandaa aadmi!
7. Don’t mess with me, dude. - Mere saath gandagee mat karo, ek hustee.
8. Check this out, man! - Iski chaanbeen karo, aadmi!
9. She’s so fine! - Woh itnee baareek hai!
10. Listen buddy, that chick’s mine, okay! - Suno dost, woh choozaa mera hai, theek?
11. Hey good looking; what’s cooking? - Hey Sundari; kyaa pak raha hai?
12. Are you nuts? - Kya aap akhrot hain?
13. Son of a gun. - Bachcha bandook ka.
14. General Body Meeting - Saamanya Shaaririk Milan.
And the best one is…..
15. How do you do? - Kaise karte ho?
An Indian Brain!
An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer.
He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to
borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of
security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls
Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything is checked
out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and
parks it there.
Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little
puzzled.”
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The Indian replied, “Where else in New York can I park my car for two
weeks just for 15 bucks?”
He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to
borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of
security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls
Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything is checked
out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and
parks it there.
Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little
puzzled.”
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The Indian replied, “Where else in New York can I park my car for two
weeks just for 15 bucks?”
Indian Hell!
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, “What do they do here?” He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.” The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, “What do they do here?” He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?” Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen…”
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, “What do they do here?” He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?” Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen…”
India V/S Pakistan!
During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet
satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45
seconds Soviet counter-missiles
would be on their way. Recent studies commissioned by US department of
Defense
included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan.
This was their scenario……………..
The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They
don’t need any permission from their government, and promptly order the
countdowns.
Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army
detects the Pak countdown and
decides to launch a missile in retribution.
But they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their
request to the Indian
President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet.
The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session.
The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the
opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.
The President asks for a quick decision. In the mean time, the Pak
missile
failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a
relaunch
are still on.
Just then the
Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party
that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM
to
prove his majority
within a week. As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a
caretaker government is
installed.
The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear
missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can
not take such a decision
because elections are at hand. A Public Interest Litigation is filed in
the Supreme Court
alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.
The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM
is
authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the
nation.
Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367
miles away from the target, on its own government building at
11.00AM.
Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the
office
that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached
somewhere in flight.
The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and
USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a
nuclear
missile of its
own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties
agree.
Its three months since the army had sought permission.
But as preparations begin, “pro-humanity”,”anti-nuclear” activists come
out against the Government’s decision.
Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.
In California and
Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning
the government and mentioning “Please forward it to as many Indians as
possible”.
On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles
deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing
over Rajasthan. Many
of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.
A missile (smuggled from USA)is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan
army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original
destination: Russia.
Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches
a
nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and
creates
havoc. Pakistan cries for help.
India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million
dollars worth of
Parle-G biscuits.
Thus India never gets to launch the missile.
Pakistan never gets it right.
And we live happily ever after!!!!
satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45
seconds Soviet counter-missiles
would be on their way. Recent studies commissioned by US department of
Defense
included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan.
This was their scenario……………..
The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They
don’t need any permission from their government, and promptly order the
countdowns.
Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army
detects the Pak countdown and
decides to launch a missile in retribution.
But they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their
request to the Indian
President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet.
The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session.
The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the
opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.
The President asks for a quick decision. In the mean time, the Pak
missile
failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a
relaunch
are still on.
Just then the
Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party
that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM
to
prove his majority
within a week. As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a
caretaker government is
installed.
The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear
missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can
not take such a decision
because elections are at hand. A Public Interest Litigation is filed in
the Supreme Court
alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.
The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM
is
authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the
nation.
Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367
miles away from the target, on its own government building at
11.00AM.
Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the
office
that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached
somewhere in flight.
The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and
USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a
nuclear
missile of its
own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties
agree.
Its three months since the army had sought permission.
But as preparations begin, “pro-humanity”,”anti-nuclear” activists come
out against the Government’s decision.
Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.
In California and
Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning
the government and mentioning “Please forward it to as many Indians as
possible”.
On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles
deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing
over Rajasthan. Many
of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.
A missile (smuggled from USA)is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan
army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original
destination: Russia.
Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches
a
nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and
creates
havoc. Pakistan cries for help.
India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million
dollars worth of
Parle-G biscuits.
Thus India never gets to launch the missile.
Pakistan never gets it right.
And we live happily ever after!!!!
Bruce Lee- Encyclopedia!
1) What was Bruce Lee’s favorite vegetable?
A) Mu Lee
2) What did Bruce Lee like to have for lunch ?
A) Tha Lee
3) What happened to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie was over ?
A) Kha Lee
4) What was Bruce Lee’s sister-in-law’s name?
A) Saa Lee
5) Bruce Lee’s favorite breakfast
A) Id Lee
6) Bruce Lee’s favorite festival
A) Diwa Lee
7) Bruce Lee’s favorite Actress
A) Sona lee
8) Bruce Lee’s favorite Music
A) Qawa lee
9) What was Bruce Lee’s most interesting job?
A) Coo Lee
10) When did Bruce Lee die?
A) Final Lee
11) How did Bruce Lee die?
A) With a Go Lee
12) What was Bruce Lee’s favourite hillstation?
A) Kulu Mana Lee
13) When Bruce Lee teased girls, what did they call him?
A) Mawwa Lee
A) Mu Lee
2) What did Bruce Lee like to have for lunch ?
A) Tha Lee
3) What happened to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie was over ?
A) Kha Lee
4) What was Bruce Lee’s sister-in-law’s name?
A) Saa Lee
5) Bruce Lee’s favorite breakfast
A) Id Lee
6) Bruce Lee’s favorite festival
A) Diwa Lee
7) Bruce Lee’s favorite Actress
A) Sona lee
8) Bruce Lee’s favorite Music
A) Qawa lee
9) What was Bruce Lee’s most interesting job?
A) Coo Lee
10) When did Bruce Lee die?
A) Final Lee
11) How did Bruce Lee die?
A) With a Go Lee
12) What was Bruce Lee’s favourite hillstation?
A) Kulu Mana Lee
13) When Bruce Lee teased girls, what did they call him?
A) Mawwa Lee
Just Do The Job!
This is the story about 4 people named: Everybody, Somebody,
Anybody, and Nobody.
- There was an important job to be done and Everybody was
sure Somebody would do it.
- Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
- Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.
- Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized
that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
- It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody
did what Anybody could have done.
Anybody, and Nobody.
- There was an important job to be done and Everybody was
sure Somebody would do it.
- Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
- Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.
- Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized
that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
- It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody
did what Anybody could have done.
Pakistani In US!
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a big dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl’s life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says “You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers “Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl”
The man says - “But I am not a New Yorker!”
“Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning “Brave American saves life of little girl’” - the policeman answers.
“But I am not an American!” - says the man.
“Oh, what are you then?”
The man says - “I am a Pakistani!”
The next day the newspapers prints headline “Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist networks are being investigated”
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says “You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers “Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl”
The man says - “But I am not a New Yorker!”
“Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning “Brave American saves life of little girl’” - the policeman answers.
“But I am not an American!” - says the man.
“Oh, what are you then?”
The man says - “I am a Pakistani!”
The next day the newspapers prints headline “Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist networks are being investigated”
I’ve learned….
I’ve learned….
That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I’ve learned….
That when you’re in love, it shows.
I’ve learned..
That just one person saying to me, “You’ve made my day!” makes my day.
I’ve learned….
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful
feelings in the world.
I’ve learned….
That being kind is more important than being right.
I’ve learned….
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I’ve learned….
That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help
him in some other way.
I’ve learned….
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a
friend to act goofy with.
I’ve learned….
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to
understand.
I’ve learned….
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I
was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I’ve learned….
That when you’re in love, it shows.
I’ve learned..
That just one person saying to me, “You’ve made my day!” makes my day.
I’ve learned….
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful
feelings in the world.
I’ve learned….
That being kind is more important than being right.
I’ve learned….
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I’ve learned….
That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help
him in some other way.
I’ve learned….
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a
friend to act goofy with.
I’ve learned….
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to
understand.
I’ve learned….
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I
was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
Salary Increase Request!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$ t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Norman $ oh
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :
Dear NOrman,
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the media is reporting that the world’s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
General Manager
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$ t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Norman $ oh
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :
Dear NOrman,
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the media is reporting that the world’s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
General Manager
An English professor wrote the words
An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing”
On the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the MALES in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
While All the FEMALES in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
On the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the MALES in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
While All the FEMALES in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Out of Office Auto Replies!
This is a list of the best “Out-of-Office” e-mail auto-replies.
*
I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
*
I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
*
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
*
Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
*
I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
*
The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many people did this over and over).
*
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
*
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
*
An I, D, I, O, T has occurred, please try later!
*
Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
*
I’ve run away to join a different circus.
*
Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE.
This is a list of the best “Out-of-Office” e-mail auto-replies. If you know more, please email me.
*
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as “Lollita” instead of “Steve”
*
I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
*
I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
*
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
*
Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
*
I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
*
The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many people did this over and over).
*
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
*
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
*
An I, D, I, O, T has occurred, please try later!
*
Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
*
I’ve run away to join a different circus.
*
Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE.
This is a list of the best “Out-of-Office” e-mail auto-replies. If you know more, please email me.
*
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as “Lollita” instead of “Steve”
Always Incomplete Without Boys
*
WOMAN has MAN in it.
*
SHE has HE in it.
*
Mrs. has Mr. in it.
*
LADY has LAD in it.
*
MISTERESS has MISTER in it.
*
MADAM has ADAM in it.
*
HOSTESS has HOST in it.
*
FEMALE has MALE in it
..and so on the list is never ending SO NO need to be proud ….Girls
YOU are always incomplete without Boys.
WOMAN has MAN in it.
*
SHE has HE in it.
*
Mrs. has Mr. in it.
*
LADY has LAD in it.
*
MISTERESS has MISTER in it.
*
MADAM has ADAM in it.
*
HOSTESS has HOST in it.
*
FEMALE has MALE in it
..and so on the list is never ending SO NO need to be proud ….Girls
YOU are always incomplete without Boys.
Desi English
Hello!!!
Principal to students… “I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette…?
Class teacher once said:
“pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!”
Once hindi teacher said…”I’m going out of the world to America”
“Don’t try to talk in front of my back”
Dont..laugh at the back benches…otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down…..
it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
” why is fan not oning” (ing form of on)
teacher in a furious mood…
write down ur name and father of ur name!!
“shhh… quiet… the principal is revolving around college”
My manager started like this
“Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids”
“I’ll illustrate what i have in my mind” said the professor and erased the board
“will u hang that calender or else i’ll HANG MYSELF”
LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ,” IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE”
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us…
“My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter”
Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
“why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!”
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
“I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
“Keep quiet, the principal has passed away”
Principal to students… “I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette…?
Class teacher once said:
“pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!”
Once hindi teacher said…”I’m going out of the world to America”
“Don’t try to talk in front of my back”
Dont..laugh at the back benches…otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down…..
it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
” why is fan not oning” (ing form of on)
teacher in a furious mood…
write down ur name and father of ur name!!
“shhh… quiet… the principal is revolving around college”
My manager started like this
“Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids”
“I’ll illustrate what i have in my mind” said the professor and erased the board
“will u hang that calender or else i’ll HANG MYSELF”
LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ,” IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE”
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us…
“My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter”
Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
“why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!”
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
“I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
“Keep quiet, the principal has passed away”
The average man’s
The average man’s life consists of:
20 years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
40 years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
20 years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
40 years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
When we are born
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Philosophy of life
Philosophy of life:
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
Employee: Boss,
Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!
Most Relationships fail
Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And the other loves too many,
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And the other loves too many,
An interesting line
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker’s T Shirt : “If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off”
Long back
Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called “Saints”, But now they are called.. “IT professionals”
SMS
Aaj phir aapka sms nahi aaya,
Phir tamanna ka ful murjhaya,
Na jaane kin galiyo me kho gaye aap,
Mai to police station se paagal khane tak khoj aaya.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
What is that bright
What is that bright light?
from where does this fragrance coming?
This gentle breeze...cool air...hearty music... oh!
its sankranthi...Hav a nice day....
from where does this fragrance coming?
This gentle breeze...cool air...hearty music... oh!
its sankranthi...Hav a nice day....
'RUTU' yetat jatat!
'RUTU' yetat jatat! 'CHADRA- SURYA' ugavtat mawaltat!
"DIVAS- RATRA MAHINE-VARSHE SUKH-DUKKH" BHARTI-OHOTI pramane yetat jatat sarva kahi badalate!
Badalat nahit ti fakt..
"MANASA-MANASATIL ANMOL NATI" tich japuya!
GOD-GOD bolun!
"TIL-GUL GHYA GOD BOLA"
"DIVAS- RATRA MAHINE-VARSHE SUKH-DUKKH" BHARTI-OHOTI pramane yetat jatat sarva kahi badalate!
Badalat nahit ti fakt..
"MANASA-MANASATIL ANMOL NATI" tich japuya!
GOD-GOD bolun!
"TIL-GUL GHYA GOD BOLA"
Ghalshil jewa tu designer SADI
Ghalshil jewa tu designer SADI
Labhel tula teelgulachi GODI
Sunday chya haatat de Pantagachi DORI
tumha sarvana Happy Makkar Sankranti
Labhel tula teelgulachi GODI
Sunday chya haatat de Pantagachi DORI
tumha sarvana Happy Makkar Sankranti
Makaar sankranti sms
Meethe gur mein mil gaye til,
Udi patang aur khil gaye dil,
Har pal sukh aur har din shaanti,
Aap sab ke liye laaye Makar Sankranti
Udi patang aur khil gaye dil,
Har pal sukh aur har din shaanti,
Aap sab ke liye laaye Makar Sankranti
Wishing u a very prosperous 2009
When the mid-nite bell rings tonight..
Let it signify new and better things for you,
let it signify a realisation of all things you wish for,
Let it signify a year of courage and believes,
Wishing you a very…very…very prosperous 2009.
Let it signify new and better things for you,
let it signify a realisation of all things you wish for,
Let it signify a year of courage and believes,
Wishing you a very…very…very prosperous 2009.
New Year 2009 ko Hum Sab kare WELCOME
Sabke Dilo mein ho sabke liye Pyar,
Aanewala har din laye Khushiyon ka Tyohar,
Es ummid k sath aao bhulke sare Gum,
New Year 2009 ko Hum Sab kare WELCOME
Aanewala har din laye Khushiyon ka Tyohar,
Es ummid k sath aao bhulke sare Gum,
New Year 2009 ko Hum Sab kare WELCOME
Wishing u a truly fulfilling 2009
New Year is the time to
unfold new horizons & realize new dreams,
to rediscover the strength & faith within u,
to rejoice in simple pleasures &
gear up 4 a new challenges.
Wishing u a truly fulfilling 2009
unfold new horizons & realize new dreams,
to rediscover the strength & faith within u,
to rejoice in simple pleasures &
gear up 4 a new challenges.
Wishing u a truly fulfilling 2009
Happy last month of the year
Happy last month of the year
May God achieve your all remaining goals
in this last month of the year,
Whatever u havn’t completd in 11 months
Ameen!
May God achieve your all remaining goals
in this last month of the year,
Whatever u havn’t completd in 11 months
Ameen!
Naya saal mubarak
Kia Bharosa
Mobile Ka
Battery ka
Charger Ka
Network Ka
Balance Ka
Life ka
Time Ka
Is Liye Meri Taraf Se
Advance Main
“Naya Saal Mubarak”
Mobile Ka
Battery ka
Charger Ka
Network Ka
Balance Ka
Life ka
Time Ka
Is Liye Meri Taraf Se
Advance Main
“Naya Saal Mubarak”
The coming year is a glorious one
Here is a wishing that
the coming year is a glorious one
that rewards all your
future endeavors with success
the coming year is a glorious one
that rewards all your
future endeavors with success
Naya saal aaya hai chalo
Purana saal sabse ho raha hai door,
Kya karein yahi hai kudrat ka dastoor,
Purane yaadein sochkar udaas na ho tum,
Naya saal aaya hai chalo…
DHOOM MACHALE, DHOOM MACHALE DHOOM!!
Kya karein yahi hai kudrat ka dastoor,
Purane yaadein sochkar udaas na ho tum,
Naya saal aaya hai chalo…
DHOOM MACHALE, DHOOM MACHALE DHOOM!!
Memorable moment r celebrated together
Memorable moment r celebrated together,
U r my best friend for now & forever,
Make me Miss U even more this New Year,
Hope this 2008 bring Happiness for you Dear.
U r my best friend for now & forever,
Make me Miss U even more this New Year,
Hope this 2008 bring Happiness for you Dear.
Each moment in a day has its own value
Each moment in a day has its own value.
Morning brings HOPE,
Afternoon brings FAITH,
Evening brings LOVE,
Night brings REST,
Hope you will have all of them everyday.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009.
Morning brings HOPE,
Afternoon brings FAITH,
Evening brings LOVE,
Night brings REST,
Hope you will have all of them everyday.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009.
Little keys open big locks
Little keys open big locks
Simple words reflect great thoughts
Your smile can cure heart blocks
So keep on smiling it rocks.
Happy New Year 2009
Simple words reflect great thoughts
Your smile can cure heart blocks
So keep on smiling it rocks.
Happy New Year 2009
Naya islmai saal mubarak
Aap sab ko dill ki gehraiyon say
nikli hoi bay shumar duaon k sath
“NAYA ISLAMI SAAL” mubarak ho.
Allah is naye saal ko aap sab k liye rehmaton,
barkaton,
khushyon,
kamiyabion,
khair-o-afiat,
hifazat,
aman,
sukoon aur tamam tar naik khuwahishat
ki takmeel ka saal bana day aur donon
jehan ki sari naymatain ata farmaye
aur hamisha,hamisha k liye razi ho jaye.
Ameen, Summa ameen.
nikli hoi bay shumar duaon k sath
“NAYA ISLAMI SAAL” mubarak ho.
Allah is naye saal ko aap sab k liye rehmaton,
barkaton,
khushyon,
kamiyabion,
khair-o-afiat,
hifazat,
aman,
sukoon aur tamam tar naik khuwahishat
ki takmeel ka saal bana day aur donon
jehan ki sari naymatain ata farmaye
aur hamisha,hamisha k liye razi ho jaye.
Ameen, Summa ameen.
New hijri year. 1429 Mubarak
New hijri year. 1429 Mubarak
Allah talah aap ko
hazaroon khushiyan ataa karay
aur aap per rehmatain nazil fermaye.
ameen
Allah talah aap ko
hazaroon khushiyan ataa karay
aur aap per rehmatain nazil fermaye.
ameen
Happy Sparkling New Year 2009
Before the sun sets in this year,
before the memories fade,
before the net works get jammed
Wish u and ur family Happy Sparkling New Year 2009
before the memories fade,
before the net works get jammed
Wish u and ur family Happy Sparkling New Year 2009
*Happy new year*
*Happy new year*
-
-
Soch rahe ho ki aaj kyon ?
-
-
Ab tum DON ko sikhao ge k kab wish karna hai,
Don jab bhi chahata hai tab wish karta hai,
-
-
Happy New Year once again!
-
-
Soch rahe ho ki aaj kyon ?
-
-
Ab tum DON ko sikhao ge k kab wish karna hai,
Don jab bhi chahata hai tab wish karta hai,
-
-
Happy New Year once again!
12 Months happiness, 52 weeks fun,
12Months happiness, 52 weeks fun,
365 Days laughter, 8760 hrs good luck,
525600 Minutes joy, 31536000 seconds success,
So wishing u a (*)Happy New Year(*)
365 Days laughter, 8760 hrs good luck,
525600 Minutes joy, 31536000 seconds success,
So wishing u a (*)Happy New Year(*)
A happy New Year
A happy New Year!
Grant that I May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I’ve played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year
Grant that I May bring no tear to any eye
When this New Year in time shall end
Let it be said I’ve played the friend,
Have lived and loved and labored here,
And made of it a happy year
Year 2 follow be the best
God Bless U N Keep U Safe
Not Only Today But Throughout Life
That is coming In Ur Way.
May Year To Follow
Be Among The Best U ve Ever Spend.
Not Only Today But Throughout Life
That is coming In Ur Way.
May Year To Follow
Be Among The Best U ve Ever Spend.
This is begining of a new year
Beauty..
Freshness..
Dreams..
Truth..
Imagination..
Feeling..
Faith..
Trust..
This is begining of a new year!
Freshness..
Dreams..
Truth..
Imagination..
Feeling..
Faith..
Trust..
This is begining of a new year!
Receive my simple gift of LOVE
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Receive my simple gift of LOVE
Wrapped with SINCERITY
Tied with CARE &
Sealed with BLESSINGS
2 Keep u HAPPY & SAFE all the life long.
HAPPY NEW YEAR….
Receive my simple gift of LOVE
Wrapped with SINCERITY
Tied with CARE &
Sealed with BLESSINGS
2 Keep u HAPPY & SAFE all the life long.
HAPPY NEW YEAR….
Keep the smile, leave the tear
Keep the smile,
leave the tear,
Think of joy,
forget the fear,
Hold the laugh,
leave the pain,
Be joyous ,
Coz its new year!
HAPPY NEW YEAR
leave the tear,
Think of joy,
forget the fear,
Hold the laugh,
leave the pain,
Be joyous ,
Coz its new year!
HAPPY NEW YEAR
God bless you through out the new Year
New Year begins, let us pray,
that it will be a year with new Peace,
New Happiness, and abundance of new friends,
God bless you through out the new Year.
that it will be a year with new Peace,
New Happiness, and abundance of new friends,
God bless you through out the new Year.
This note comes
This note comes especially,
dear Friend, to wish you a marvelous start as the year begins.
…And hope that all your dreams come true,
making it truly a Wonderful year for you.
dear Friend, to wish you a marvelous start as the year begins.
…And hope that all your dreams come true,
making it truly a Wonderful year for you.
New Years Blessings
New Years Blessings “May All Your Troubles Last As Long As Your New Year’s Resolutions”
That special day is here again
That special day is here again
The day we took our vows
You’re just as special to me today
As you still get me aroused.
Happy Anniversary Lover
The day we took our vows
You’re just as special to me today
As you still get me aroused.
Happy Anniversary Lover
New Year’s Resolution!
New Year’s Resolution: To Tolerate Fools More Gladly, Provided This Does Not Encourage Them To Take Up More Of My Time.
I’m sending this bouquet of love
I’m sending this bouquet of love
To say that I love you so much
I hope I say it often enough
I want you to know it’s true,
On this special occasion
I want to remind you
That you are my everything
And
my love is true,Happy Anniversary Lover!
To say that I love you so much
I hope I say it often enough
I want you to know it’s true,
On this special occasion
I want to remind you
That you are my everything
And
my love is true,Happy Anniversary Lover!
Happy Anniversary
Happy Anniversary
and May
your marriage be Blessed with love,
joy And companionship
For all the years of your lives!
and May
your marriage be Blessed with love,
joy And companionship
For all the years of your lives!
WEDDING RING!
Girl:It’s 2 tight
Boy:Don’t worry,I’ll do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I can’t,
Gal:It’s painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
We’ll buy new WEDDING RING!
Boy:Don’t worry,I’ll do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I can’t,
Gal:It’s painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
We’ll buy new WEDDING RING!
Full Time Masti … Non stop fun
6 Inch ka hai.
.
Size normal he
.
.
Mazboot he
.
.
Ziyadah mota bhi nahin he
.
.
2 larkiyan dekh chuki hain
.
.
Lena he to bolo?
Full Time Masti
Non stop Fun
Mera…
.
LG KG 195
.
Size normal he
.
.
Mazboot he
.
.
Ziyadah mota bhi nahin he
.
.
2 larkiyan dekh chuki hain
.
.
Lena he to bolo?
Full Time Masti
Non stop Fun
Mera…
.
LG KG 195
Let me kiss your lips
Let me kiss ur lips,
let me feel ur teeth,
let me feel ur tongue.
SMILE!
This is ur friend
“PEPSODENT”
reminding you to brush ur teeth.
let me feel ur teeth,
let me feel ur tongue.
SMILE!
This is ur friend
“PEPSODENT”
reminding you to brush ur teeth.
Mere sabher ka na le
Mere sabher ka na le imtehaan tu
Meri khamoshiyon ko sada na de
Jo tere bagair na jee sake
Usse jeene ki dua na de
Tu aziz di o nazar se hai
Tu qareeb rago jaan se hai
Mere jism o jaan ka ye fasla
Kahin waqt aur barha na de
Tujhe bhool ke bhi na bhoola sakon
Tujhe chah ke bhi na pa sakon
Meri hasraton ko shumar de
Meri chahaton ka sila na de
Woh tadap jo shola e jaan mein thi
Mere tan badan se lipat gai
Jo bujha sake to bujha isse
Na bujha sake to hawa na de
Meri khamoshiyon ko sada na de
Jo tere bagair na jee sake
Usse jeene ki dua na de
Tu aziz di o nazar se hai
Tu qareeb rago jaan se hai
Mere jism o jaan ka ye fasla
Kahin waqt aur barha na de
Tujhe bhool ke bhi na bhoola sakon
Tujhe chah ke bhi na pa sakon
Meri hasraton ko shumar de
Meri chahaton ka sila na de
Woh tadap jo shola e jaan mein thi
Mere tan badan se lipat gai
Jo bujha sake to bujha isse
Na bujha sake to hawa na de
I heard 3 Males per day
Doctor to Lady: U r looking so weak and exhausted ! Are U properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised ?
Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !
Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !
75 yr old man got married
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - Why?
Reason - Because she didn't know anything,
and he had forgotten everything..!
On their first night both were crying - Why?
Reason - Because she didn't know anything,
and he had forgotten everything..!
Sending you my bed to
Sending you my bed to let you rest, pillows to give you comfort
and my blanket to keep you warm.
I can't sleep now coz' I've lent you all my things already.
Gd nite! I love you.
and my blanket to keep you warm.
I can't sleep now coz' I've lent you all my things already.
Gd nite! I love you.
I sent my wife with him
kanjoos 1: I’m very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
kanjoos 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going &
I sent my wife with him
kanjoos 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going &
I sent my wife with him
Wait for 9 months
Wife going to USA
Wife:Do u want anything from USA?
Husband: Yeah, an english girl
Wife returns from USA
Husband:where's my gift?
Wife:wait for 9 months
Wife:Do u want anything from USA?
Husband: Yeah, an english girl
Wife returns from USA
Husband:where's my gift?
Wife:wait for 9 months
Tu Chalu Rrakh Sikke Me Dalunga
1 ladki ne coin dalke apna vajan dekha,58kg
Sandal utari,56kg
Jacket utari,53kg
Fir duppata, 52kg or coin khatam
1 bhikari bola tu chalu rakh sikke me dalunga!
Sandal utari,56kg
Jacket utari,53kg
Fir duppata, 52kg or coin khatam
1 bhikari bola tu chalu rakh sikke me dalunga!
When You Have An Orgasm?
Prof teaching muscle movement, asks a lady: Do you know what your asshole does when you have an orgasm?
Lady: Sure, he's at the office, working!
Lady: Sure, he's at the office, working!
After the first 3 inches
Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.
Like A Man's Sperms
UR msgs r like a Girl's Period, comes once a month for 3-4days & disappears.
But My msgs r like a Man's Sperms that come Daily or Twice a Day
But My msgs r like a Man's Sperms that come Daily or Twice a Day
Words Into My Mouth...
A loving husband tattooed I LOVE U on his dick n showed it to his wife.
She replied: "This is ur old habit of Putting Words Into My Mouth...!"
She replied: "This is ur old habit of Putting Words Into My Mouth...!"
Refuse To Swallow
Our love will never become cold and hollow unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
Fucking A Nurse
A man was fucking a nurse
. She shouts: Aah it's painful.
Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don’t hv hole, I'm putting it in ur hole & u say it hurts
. She shouts: Aah it's painful.
Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don’t hv hole, I'm putting it in ur hole & u say it hurts
What’s an average 6 inch long
What’s an average 6 inch long
Inside a guy’s pants and girls love to blow it up?
?
?
?
?
A:1000- rupee currency note.!
Always think positive
Inside a guy’s pants and girls love to blow it up?
?
?
?
?
A:1000- rupee currency note.!
Always think positive
Consequences of American life style:
Consequences of American life style:
The wife rushed into house screaming
2 her husband, Darling, Come quick!
Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.
The wife rushed into house screaming
2 her husband, Darling, Come quick!
Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.
Ahhhh Uhhhhh Remove Ur Kurti Now Ahhh
Remove your Shirt,
Remove your Pants too,
ahhhh uhhhhh remove ur kurti now ahhh....
Finally the suitcase is closed.
Remove your Pants too,
ahhhh uhhhhh remove ur kurti now ahhh....
Finally the suitcase is closed.
Pehle Istemaal Karo; Phir Vishwas Karo
ghadi detergent walon ki beti se shadi karne ke liye bheed lagi thi ,
why.. because they said ''pehle istemaal karo; phir vishwas karo''...
why.. because they said ''pehle istemaal karo; phir vishwas karo''...
Why were males
Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
My girlfriend told me
My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so I got two Girlfriends.
Mother to her teenage
Mother to her teenage
daughter: I think its right
time, we hsould talk about sex.
Daughter: "Sure mom, What do
u want to know?"
daughter: I think its right
time, we hsould talk about sex.
Daughter: "Sure mom, What do
u want to know?"
First night of marriage
First night of marriage:Boy just sucked breasts till morning.
In the morning Father said: Baita naha lo.
Wife said :Ennu sirf ghararey karao Abba gee..!!
In the morning Father said: Baita naha lo.
Wife said :Ennu sirf ghararey karao Abba gee..!!
Mere husband ne mara hai!!!
Ek aourat ki ankh soojhi hui thi,
Parosan ne poocha kia hua?
Aourat: Mere husband ne mara hai
Parosan: Lekin mere khayal se to tmhare husband delhi gaye hue hain.
Aourat: Mera bhe yehi khayal tha.
Parosan ne poocha kia hua?
Aourat: Mere husband ne mara hai
Parosan: Lekin mere khayal se to tmhare husband delhi gaye hue hain.
Aourat: Mera bhe yehi khayal tha.
Wht's common between man n monkey?
Q: What's common between man and monkey?
Ans: Monkey daal daal pe koodta hai,
Aur man daal daal ke koodta hai.
Ans: Monkey daal daal pe koodta hai,
Aur man daal daal ke koodta hai.
Newly Young Boy
Newly Young Boy To Doctor: Mujhe Koi Aisi Tarkeeb Batayen K Jis Se Sex bhi Ho Jaye Aur Pragnancy Bhi Na Ho?
Doctor: Hai Na.
Boy: Kya?
Doctor: Beta Bas Peeche Se Lete Raho.
Doctor: Hai Na.
Boy: Kya?
Doctor: Beta Bas Peeche Se Lete Raho.
Ek larki dosri Larki se
Ek larki dosri Larki se.
Sab se khatarnak game kon sa hay..?
2nd girl:
Har woh game jo Larkon ke sath khela jaey,
Woh bhi Andheray mein.
Sab se khatarnak game kon sa hay..?
2nd girl:
Har woh game jo Larkon ke sath khela jaey,
Woh bhi Andheray mein.
WaWa WaWa WaWa WaWa WaWa
Arz kiya hai
Chicken aisay pakao k kaccha na ho
Chicken aisay pakao k kaccha na ho...
Aur
Mohabbat aisay nibhao k Baccha na ho...
Chicken aisay pakao k kaccha na ho
Chicken aisay pakao k kaccha na ho...
Aur
Mohabbat aisay nibhao k Baccha na ho...
A Man was selling His Product By Shouting!
A Man was selling His Product By Shouting!
Shair Ka Pinjra 10 Rs mein Shair ka Pinjra 10 Rs mein
Logo ne Pas ja ker Daikh tou Vo
Underwear Baich raha tha.
Shair Ka Pinjra 10 Rs mein Shair ka Pinjra 10 Rs mein
Logo ne Pas ja ker Daikh tou Vo
Underwear Baich raha tha.
Sex karogy?
Girl : Sex karogy?
Memon: Mere wife jaisa karogi kya?
Girl: Tumhari wife kaisy karti hai?
Memon: Muft mein..
Memon: Mere wife jaisa karogi kya?
Girl: Tumhari wife kaisy karti hai?
Memon: Muft mein..
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